Three Weeks

We can not believe that has been three weeks since the Lord has taken our Hope Asaiah home to be with Him. I have been conflicted about this blog. I have wanted to share what we have been going through and then I want to just be private and hold onto my husband and kids and cry. The emotions and pain have been hard. The physical pain of going through a c-section and then not having a baby in my arms has been hard. Something I wrote to a friend in an email today struck me and I decided it was time to share a little. As far as keeping this blog going I'm not sure? But for now here it goes....



These past three weeks have been , by far, the hardest of my life. Someone said that they wished that I had not had to go through the pregnancy and be so sick and in pain for all that time just to lose her. I have to be honest. I have had moments that I have cried out to God, "Why? Why did we endure that time and pain for you to take her?" But that thought goes quickly with this thought, "Thank you , thank you Lord for allowing us that time to hold our sweet girl. Thank you for the precious love that you have for us that we were able to see her beautiful face and hold her and kiss her." I am so very thankful for that one hour and 15 minutes that she was here and would do it all over again in a heartbeat.



I did not know that my heart could physically hurt this bad. I find that it is so hard to try and explain the physical and emotional pain. What is amazing is even in hurt and pain I can TOTALLY feel God's loving arms wrapped around me. Softly He is saying , "I know how you feel, I've been there. It's ok to hurt, I've got you." Our family is experiencing that wonderful peace that passes all understanding even in our grief and pain. I am so thankful. It is so hard to understand why things happen. Why do young children lose their mommy to cancer? Why do drunk drivers survive a car accident when the person they hit dies? Why did God choose to take Hope? I don't have any of those answers and never will. What I do know without a shadow of a doubt is that ..."we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him..." Romans 8:28 That isn't an empty promise. This is another promise that I am holding onto... "weeping may remain for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5b I am thankful that my God is with me in the joyful times and in the pain and grief. I find great comfort in that.



Thank you again for all of your prayers. We are so very thankful for the family and friends that have been serving us.